| relationships |
[Mar. 2nd, 2009|10:50 am] |
I've often seen unreasonable behaviour in other people's relationships, been reminded of past difficulties within my own, and been reminded of a piece of advice an old friend gave me many years ago, after a break up of her own - 'no relationship is better than a bad relationship'. Not great phrasing as it could be interpreted in the wrong way, but a long held sentiment - I'd rather be single than be manipulated, changed - which is why I finished my co-habitation relationship some years ago. I knew I had the choice to stay, have a family, resign myself to being a lesser subset of me, and I don't regret the choice I made.
Anyway, gratefully acquired from another journal (not credited directly as there's obvious privacy issues), a list of unreasonable behaviours within relationships:
emotional abuse checklist
Me being me, I looked at it as much as 'have I done that?' as much as 'I've experienced that'. I also know that many, many people are not in a position, financial or otherwise, to leave a relationship, and in other cases they may chose their own compromise. I know too many people who have to put up with shit, frankly. Worth a read through.
It's not all negative, many, many people have happy, balanced relationships, and that's great, it really is, I am truly happy for those people.
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wow, thanks for this. Like you, I looked through it with an eye to 'do I do this stuff?' as much as 'has anyone done this to me?' and found it really thought-provoking.
I don't think it's negative to think "Have I done that?", I think it's really important!
But ... but ... I only ticked a couple of boxes and it told me to leave him!! Is there really anyone out there who can fill it in and get a clean slate?
I am with you absolutely, though, on not staying in any relationship where you end up making compromises to who you really are. I would much rather be single.
From: ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) mzdt
2009-03-02 01:08 pm (UTC)
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I did mean to say something about that, that no-one's perfect, and frankly I find a lot of the human population fairly despicable even if I'm not sleeping with them. perhaps 'behaviour' is a better word than 'abuse', but I didn't want to make light of the thing; perhaps I should just say we're all a bit shit, but at least it's good to recognise that.
Edited at 2009-03-02 01:09 pm (UTC)
Oh, gosh, yes. If bisonfish filled it in it would tell him not even to think about coming home to me tomorrow night!!
If I'd filled this one in when Lesley was with us it would have had dire consequences. Yet we have a very very very happy near 11 years together. No-one's perfect :-(
Having been directed to your LJ entry by the lovely Cravatman, and having completed it, I have to say that (a) I think it is looking for abuse in the way the questions are couched and (b) it would perhaps be more balanced should be a broader scale, perhaps of 1-10 rather than Often, Sometimes and Never or at least 3 degrees of Sometimes!
It's a great check list though and there are a lot of people I know who would do well to look at it.
From: mzdt
2009-03-03 11:40 am (UTC)
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with anything on the internet you've got to consider the viewpoint of the people who put it up there, and how it fits with your own...
I am astonished that a lot of people (would/do) put up with the behaviours listed there! To be honest, I think my stepfather was emotionally abusing my mother (and us with it), so maybe I've lived with someone like that already and know what is good for you ad what isn't. And maybe I am pretty good at spotting people like that, I also shy away from aggressive/... people immediately.
From: mzdt
2009-03-04 12:29 am (UTC)
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yes - what's interesting is the range of viewpoints and standards, what threshold people put on things, what people put up with and what they don't, what they accept as normal behaviour...
a lot of people are pretty dreadful, to be honest, and it's only going to get worse. ;-( | |
